I still see his posts. How he’s always with his friends and going out. Doing the things he doesn’t usually do. Things he never did with me. Out on the streets drinking and strolling around wherever his heart wants him to.
I still see his smile. On every picture he shared on his profile. How his eyes doesn’t smile and how his lips lie to make a facade that he’s happy and tough.
But, baby, that wasn’t you.
The smiles that reached your eyes when I told you I got some surprise for you. The spark in your eyes were gone.
It’s no longer you.
The things that you do doesn’t reflect the “you” that was once happy.
I don’t even know if it was a relief that I went my own way or if you were even hurt by the fact that I chose my happiness when I told you “I can’t do this anymore.”
I guess you were just lonely. I guess after 7 months, you got used to my presence annoying the light out of you. I want to think that I somehow made you happy because I did my best.
And it saddens me to see you alone. The image in my head; you on the side of your bed facing your phone losing a game on AOV and then chatting whomever would reply to you. It’s sad. The thought of that still hurts because all I ever wanted for you was to be genuinely, truly happy, but are you though?
Because you try so hard to live a happy life when everything’s pulling you down.
Your rent. Utility bills. Your pay. Your debts.
And if I had a choice, I would want to help you out with it again, but I’m no longer in the position to do so.
But this will be the last article I’ll write about you.
This is the last straw.
When I chose my happiness, you were still somehow in it because I wanted you to pursue your dreams. To excel in your chosen path.
You still smoke, and just like the fog that you blow every time, I know your head is clouded with miserable thoughts.
But this isn’t an article to get you back, its for you to know that I still care for you. That no matter how fucked up you were, there’s still someone you can run to when the world came crashing down on your shoulders.
This is not for you to run back to me, it’s for you to know that even without you, I finally found my happiness and that I am genuinely happy with my choice.
I hope, someday, you’ll find yours, too.
This is not another article about good byes, its a be right back to see you grow. Only then, will I be complete as a person because I know I chipped a little part of you.
Written by: Viel Luyo
IMILLENNIAL 